Boys Will Be Boys, or, Why Arab Chauvinism is Faintly American
By day five in Egypt, most Western women would be ready to claw out the eyes of most Egyptian men. In this instance, I am like most Western women. Since about 99% of Egyptian women wear the veil, the other 1% who don't, plus tourist women, get an unfair share of attention. Beyond the typical tourist racket of "Welcome! Where are you from?", women can expect not only creepy staring that takes on a desperate and pathetic quality, but comments like, "Hello Princess. You are looking for me, yes?" and a fairly standard ice-breaker like, "are you marriaged?"
Of course, eye-contact and a response, no matter that you're spitting venom, is considered a reflection of mutual interest, so your retaliation is limited. If you can figure out how to say, "You should be ashamed of yourself" in Egyptian Arabic, you are taking a step in the right direction, but it is hard to be appropriate hateful and remember the correct phonetics simultaneously. The other option is the quote the Qu'ran and remind men to "Avert their gaze," but unfortunately my Arabic language skills are limited to "cat," "dog," "airplane," and "car."
The constant harrassment is more offensive than I recalled in Istanbul, and while I understand that blonde women aren't a common site in the middle-east, the incessant need to verbalize obvious physical differences suggests a certain daftness. H explained that this behavior is considered acceptable, under the rationale that women are temptresses, therefore it is their (our) duty to dress in such a way as to prevent temptation. After a few days of wearing a jacket and long skirt in 100 degree weather, in an attempt to respect cultural differnces, and still being harassed, I was increasingly inclined to tell these pigs to show some self-restraint.
Ultimately, that is the issue. Self-restraint. Responsibility. Dignity. Men walk around drooling a the sight of a shapely calf or a rounded breast through a thick jacket, and feel the liberty to comment at will. In some cases, they paw and grope as well. H revealed that in her year living in Cairo, she has learned most women wear the veil not out of piety, but due to social pressures from their friends and family and to avoid harrassment and the threat of danger from men who essentially roam wild. In many ways, it is reminiscent of small-town America, where high-school and college aged boys get away with everything from petty vandalism to date-rape under the premise that "boys will be boys" - they can't help themselves, and why should be expect them to?
H shared a couple stories that confirmed my suspicions. A couple years ago, at Ramadan, some men who were being entertained by a Russian belly-dancer (from behind a glass wall) were driven so wild, that when they left, they raped veiled women on the street. Of course, the justification for this was that they were so libidness, that they couldn't help themselves. Imagine this defense in a Western court - the "I can't help myself" defense is not going to get you very far.
H mentioned some personal incidents she and her roommate had experienced, including, once having a cab driver fondle her leg when she sat in the front, and, after learning their lesson, an instance where a cab driver started masturbating with them in the car. Other horror stories included, driving them around the city and refusing to take them home. (I am somewhat glad I didn't hear these stories until the end of my trip).
The other cultural justification for this oversexualized mentality is that men cannot marry until they are capable of providing for their wives (when they are typically in their 30s), and since premarital sex is forbidden for both genders, the result is spending their 20s in a state of constant sexual frustration. It remains difficult for me to wrap my mind around the concept that individuals are not responsible for their behavior. Additioanlly, despite the prohibition on premarital sex, men find a way to "sow their wild oats" (another great American idiom on the subject!), typically with Eastern-European prostitutes that live in semi-slavery.
I don't mean to pass judgment and I'm sure there are some Egyptian men who aren't pigs, but my experiences have led me, generally, to believe that Arab men are actually more like children than Western men(!)
Of course, eye-contact and a response, no matter that you're spitting venom, is considered a reflection of mutual interest, so your retaliation is limited. If you can figure out how to say, "You should be ashamed of yourself" in Egyptian Arabic, you are taking a step in the right direction, but it is hard to be appropriate hateful and remember the correct phonetics simultaneously. The other option is the quote the Qu'ran and remind men to "Avert their gaze," but unfortunately my Arabic language skills are limited to "cat," "dog," "airplane," and "car."
The constant harrassment is more offensive than I recalled in Istanbul, and while I understand that blonde women aren't a common site in the middle-east, the incessant need to verbalize obvious physical differences suggests a certain daftness. H explained that this behavior is considered acceptable, under the rationale that women are temptresses, therefore it is their (our) duty to dress in such a way as to prevent temptation. After a few days of wearing a jacket and long skirt in 100 degree weather, in an attempt to respect cultural differnces, and still being harassed, I was increasingly inclined to tell these pigs to show some self-restraint.
Ultimately, that is the issue. Self-restraint. Responsibility. Dignity. Men walk around drooling a the sight of a shapely calf or a rounded breast through a thick jacket, and feel the liberty to comment at will. In some cases, they paw and grope as well. H revealed that in her year living in Cairo, she has learned most women wear the veil not out of piety, but due to social pressures from their friends and family and to avoid harrassment and the threat of danger from men who essentially roam wild. In many ways, it is reminiscent of small-town America, where high-school and college aged boys get away with everything from petty vandalism to date-rape under the premise that "boys will be boys" - they can't help themselves, and why should be expect them to?
H shared a couple stories that confirmed my suspicions. A couple years ago, at Ramadan, some men who were being entertained by a Russian belly-dancer (from behind a glass wall) were driven so wild, that when they left, they raped veiled women on the street. Of course, the justification for this was that they were so libidness, that they couldn't help themselves. Imagine this defense in a Western court - the "I can't help myself" defense is not going to get you very far.
H mentioned some personal incidents she and her roommate had experienced, including, once having a cab driver fondle her leg when she sat in the front, and, after learning their lesson, an instance where a cab driver started masturbating with them in the car. Other horror stories included, driving them around the city and refusing to take them home. (I am somewhat glad I didn't hear these stories until the end of my trip).
The other cultural justification for this oversexualized mentality is that men cannot marry until they are capable of providing for their wives (when they are typically in their 30s), and since premarital sex is forbidden for both genders, the result is spending their 20s in a state of constant sexual frustration. It remains difficult for me to wrap my mind around the concept that individuals are not responsible for their behavior. Additioanlly, despite the prohibition on premarital sex, men find a way to "sow their wild oats" (another great American idiom on the subject!), typically with Eastern-European prostitutes that live in semi-slavery.
I don't mean to pass judgment and I'm sure there are some Egyptian men who aren't pigs, but my experiences have led me, generally, to believe that Arab men are actually more like children than Western men(!)
posted by RedSonja at
12:58 PM
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