I Went to a Crazy, Ukrainian, Pornographic Puppet Show and All I Got Was a Broken Toe

Tonight, my friend and I went to see a show at the local puppet theatre. Built less than a year ago, the structure is reminiscent of a Gothic castle, perched at the edge of the Dnipro river, overlooking the center of the city. The show was called "Decameron" and a friend vaguely explained it that it was supposed to take place in Italy, but we didn't really know much about it. When my friend purchased the tickets, she noticed a sign that advertised the show as "adult" - we joked that we were in store for pornographic puppetry, but we were wrong. No joke.

I have since remembered that the Decameron was a series of novellas written by Giovanni Boccaccio during the late 15th century, many of which were bawdy tales. Essentially, the entire play was a series of romantic/obscene vigniettes, divided into different acts. Surprisingly, the play contained more human actors than puppets, although their primary role was to entertain between aforementioned sets, plus an MC who narrated the story. During these breaks, an entire troupe of leotard clad dancers would flood the theatre and stage, dressed in multi-colored, jester-style (diamond print) capes, dancing to bizarre Ukrainian music, amid artificial fog. Multi-colored lighting and a background screen projected trippy prints and patterns, which completed the segues. Strange, to say the least.

The puppets themselves and puppetmasters were quite talented and funny. The primary characters include: a family (alcoholic husband, philandering wife and besotted teenage daughter), a merchant travler (infatuated with the wife), a art student (infatuated with the daughter) and a corrupt and morally conflicted monk/inquisitioner. Although the two lovestories (wife and merchant/daughter and student) are relatively serious, comic relief is provided by a nymphomanic puppet who, at one point, flashes the audience her giant, fake, puppet breasts and prays on unsuspecting men who wander near her home. The climax (ahem) occurs when the local doctor provides all the men in town with "choloviche likarstvo" (man's medicine, presumbly Renaissance-era viagra), which results in an awkward orgy. Her puppet home shakes in a predictable rhythm, while various, increasingly strange noises emerge and then, one after another, the men run to the outhouse. They each take their time in there and it is not whether their medication has caused indigestion or priapism. Either way, the scene is bizarre, hysterical and unsettling.

As you might guess, the next scene really writes itself. The last man in the outhouse proceeds to find a giant treasure chest (it is not clear if it is some sort of metaphorical fruit of the other men's labors or to be taken at, relative, face value). The monk (and head inquisitioner) hears of the treasure and captures the man in order to seize the gold - although there are threats of further punishment, the monk seems to content to have the chest and releases the fellow.

Thrilled at having manipulated the man out of his found spoils, the monk returns to the bridge near the nymphomanic puppet's house, where he is knocked unconscious by a cast iron bucket dropped from her balcony (her standard method of entrapment) and dragged into her home by her eunich (obviously). At her mercy, inside, the monk's sack of money is left outside. Serendipitously, the merchant finds the gold and uses it to bribe the alcoholic father to allow the student to marry the daughter and pry the wife away from her husband. Mid-scene, the monk emerges on the balcony of the nymphomaniac's home, naked as the day his felt form was created, sporting a ridiculous erection. Evidently, his moral qualms have been assuaged. Everyone is paired up and the curtain falls.

I have this unfortunate habit of seeing the strangest Ukrainian modern dance/theatre, but this performance puts all others to shame. I suppose, seen elsewhere (say, the LES), the show wouldn't be so controversial, but it is remarkable given that Ukrainians are such notorious prudes. (One woman actually brought her 7-8 year old son! It's not clear if she was aware of the content in advance, but she didn't leave after the intermission...) Although, I wouldn't rule out all future puppet shows, maybe next time I will stick to something more traditional, like Peter Pan or Bambi.

{You might ask where the broken toe comes into play - well, half way through the first act, the crazy, leotard-clad, dancing troupe stormed the audience, one of whom sat in the seat in front of me. Having had my foot loosely against the chair, but toes were accidentally caught between the seat and the back of the chair. There was too much chaos to get him to stand up, but he was only sitting for a minute. My toe is kinda purple, but this is the price you pay when you go to crazy, Ukrainian, pornographic puppet show.}